From the moment I taught my first class on metaphysics, I was determined to help anyone who crossed my path. Even if it meant cornering them at a dinner party, I was going to be of service, and cause transformation, whether they wanted it or not.
Then one day, as I had my next victim, I mean student, lined up in my sights, I noticed that she kept backing away from me, even as I kept stepping forward into her space, giving her my unsolicited, yet life-changing advice. I saw her eyes darting around trying to catch the attention of absolutely anyone who might rescue her from me, when I realized that I’d become that new age know-it-all that everyone avoided; I was the Fixer.
The Fixer is determined to be of service because they themselves need appreciation and accolades. The Fixer is not as far along on their spiritual path as they’d like everyone to believe, and helping others, and getting to feel good about it, make up for the good feelings that genuine transformation would bring.
That moment was my wake up call, and I immediately went back to work on myself, and left the rest of the world to handle its own problems.
It is very humbling to realize that the rest of the world doesn’t actually need you for anything. Being a catalyst for transformation can literally come from anyone, or anything, and I wasn’t so special that the world’s enlightenment would be on hold while I got my shit together.
That knowledge caused a shift in my thinking. That understanding brought about that much desired transformation I’d been aching for.
I realized that one of the most important things we can ever do is to be a Light for another Soul that’s struggling to find their way. And we serve in what I believe are one of four capacities to be of service in that moment.
Not everyone is ready to give up their struggle. And some people, like I once was, are just flat out unteachable, believing that they are the only ones who have the answers. The Guardian holds the light and space for them to experience safety and compassion. No words can get through the shell of someone who is simply not ready, however, compassion opens the way. The Guardian knows that the Light in all things, is also in all people, whether they recognize it or not, and that no one needs fixing. They just need understanding.
When someone feels safe in their experience, they allow themselves to be vulnerable, and open to new ideas. The Guide serves as an example; by walking their talk, they become an inspiration and catalyst for growth. The Guide shares tools for personal growth in the way they live their lives, and with ease and grace, inspire enthusiasm.
When the student is ready; filled with excitement and inspiration, they find a teacher. The Teacher provides specific tools for personal growth, and a support system so that eventually they are no longer needed.
Where the Guardian, Guide, and Teacher take actions based on acceptance and respect, the Fixer takes actions based on fear and control. The Fixer has a personal agenda, and wants to control the personal growth process of others so they, themselves, can feel empowered. They push their advice and agenda on others, demanding compliance. And if they don’t receive that compliance, they often use blame or shame, believing that someone simply doesn’t want to grow in consciousness.
However, the Fixer still serves as a catalyst for growth, just not in a way that at first seems obvious. When we see through the eyes of compassion, the Fixer shows us how important it is to take a step back and examine our own expectations. When we place expectations upon others to change, we see only brokenness, which means we’ve lost sight of the Light, and are choosing from fear rather than love.
And we can choose again.
To hold the Light and space for another while they are searching, and taking those tentative first steps into shifting their consciousness, is a tremendous honor, and it’s an honor that we earn through doing our own inner work. No one needs us to shift their consciousness, so participation in their transformation is a gift.