“It’s not you, it’s me,” is one of the most overused, passive-aggressive phrases, spoken in our society, and can be one of the most painful things we ever hear, because we always get the sub-text; “it is you, but I can’t deal with dealing with you.”
But, believe it or not, if someone says “It’s not you, it’s me,” they are actually speaking the truth!
“It’s not you, it’s me,” is the go to phrase when we are uncomfortable setting boundaries with someone else, and speaking our truth. If we find ourselves in the position of not being able to do this, it means we have not given our authentic self to the relationship.
We teach people how to behave toward us, and if we are trying to be someone we are not, for the sake of impressing another or getting someone to like us, we cannot give to the relationship the things that make a relationship successful; truth and unconditional love.
When we try to please others, we are living without integrity because we are not living our truth. We are trying to be what we think someone else wants us to be — and that will never make us happy, and it will keep us from walking our Soul’s path.
When we tell another person, “it’s not you, it’s me,” we compromise our integrity because we are failing to speak the truth. We take the easy way out rather than telling the other person, “well, this hurt me,” or “I feel uncomfortable with what’s been going on.”
Life is about relationships. We have to have relationships in order to express and create. The Universe sends us relationships so that we have support just when we need it to go in the direction we are meant to go.
Sometimes those relationships are nurturing and loving, and we embrace them. Other times they challenge and frustrate us, and we grow through them.
When it’s time to move on from a relationship, we honor that person and what they’ve given to our lives by being honest and authentic with them. But more so, we honor ourselves because by living our truth and walking our walk, we are expressing love and compassion, and free both parties to move forward for the highest good.
Our whole life is filled with challenges, and when we approach anything with fear, including fear of speaking our truth or being liked, we’ll never make decisions for our highest good. Truth, spoken with a loving and compassionate heart, is always the best choice.
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Hi Deanna- it’s me again, the BOC fan from down south. (There’s a lot more to me than love of BOC. actually :o)
I like this particular post because it brought to mind a conversation I had just yesterday with a good friend of mine. He’s going thru a nasty divorce, and was clinging to his soon to be ex in a pretty unhealthy manner up until a few wks ago. He has now rekindled the flame with his first ex … I know, it sounds like a soap opera already …
The point is that the last thing I told him yesterday after lunch was not to resent the lady he will be divorcing soon (ex #2). He is now emotionally capable of going thru with the divorce, and he intensely dislikes her- attachment has turned to aversion, which are two sides of the same coin, as the Buddhists tell us. But I warned him to be above the fray and not to repay or feel the need to get even.
So I very much liked the post, especially the part that applies to the real life situation above (quoting you now):
“When it’s time to move on from a relationship, we honor that person and what they’ve given to our lives by being honest and authentic with them. But more so, we honor ourselves because by living our truth and walking our walk, we are expressing love and compassion, and free both parties to move forward for the highest good.”
We are all interconnected, even with those we think we can not tolerate. So to hate, hurt, or otherwise be negative toward them will surely hurt us- and if we amp it up a whole lot it can be a negative vibe that hurts other innocent parties as well.
Thanks again for the spot-on words!
Peace .. Joe
Joe! I always love hearing your thoughts. Thank you so much for popping in.
One of these days I think this point of view will be more popular 🙂
Love is better; it heals separation and fosters connectedness.
Other stuff just isn’t as good 😉